Why you will never succeed?

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office. The psychiatrist sitting in his chair offers the man a seat. After a few moments, the psychiatrist broke the silence and asks the man, tell me about yourself?”

The man replies, “Well, I have a very deep belief that I am a moth!”

The psychiatrist, not expecting this response, pauses for a moment, leans back in his chair, tilts his head then replies, “Great, I can definitely help you overcome this?”

Startled, the man fires back, “Help me? No, I love being a moth, what’s wrong with being a moth?”

The psychiatrist, puzzled, asks, “I’m confused, if you don’t want to change this belief why did you come here then?”

“Oh, I was just passing by and saw your light on!”

Here’s the thing most of us will not achieve what we set out to do in life because we’ll give up when confronted with the first obstacle, we’ll tell ourselves “it will take too much effort”, “I’ll do it tomorrow”, “it’s too risky”, “they won’t like it”, “I don’t have enough time” or “money”. Then we’ll get upset, frustrated or depressed about where we are in our life, looking at what others have achieved and complaining about why we don’t have it.

One of the factors that separate those that do from those that don’t is what they believe. Our beliefs are our rules of life, rules that we have absolute certainty about. Rules that have been learnt and handed to us by family, friends, teachers, television, podcasts, blogs, the news and any other media sources. When we accept a belief, we then begin the process of reinforcing it with evidence and examples from our own experience and what we see in the world around us, until eventually like a carving in rock, it’s hardwired into us and runs on autopilot.

Our beliefs have a direct influence on what emotions we experience and how we feel about any given situation, which then influence our actions and behaviours, which then impact our results and the world we live in.

“Remember: We all get what we tolerate. So stop tolerating excuses within yourself, limitng beliefs of the past or half-assed or fearful states.”

Tony Robbins

They also provide us with instructions on how to fulfil our values. Let’s say two people share the value of “respect”. Person “A” believes that in order to fulfil this value people need to involve themselves in all projects and discussions. Person “B” though believes that to gain respect from people, they need to personally do everything to show people how good they are. How would these people feel working together, same values, different rules?

Think about it, imagine if you believed that every action you take was going to help you get where you want? Imagine if you believed that success is measured by how many “no’s” you get in life? Imagine you believed you had everything you need in life? Imagine you believed that you can do anything you put your mind to? Imagine that your effort will pay off in the end? Imagine you are good enough. Everything is going to be alright! How would that change how you feel and approach life?

“What you believe is what you'll achieve.”

When it comes to our beliefs, some will empower you, whilst others will disempower you. Some will enable you, some will disable you. Some will get you where you want in life whilst others will hold you back. To help define these beliefs we can divide them into two camps, “Gremlins” and “Life Savers!”

Gremlins being unhelpful and misplaced beliefs, Life Savers being helpful and empowering beliefs.

It’s worth noting our beliefs aren’t good or bad, they are often just misplaced, out of date or misunderstood. Sometimes your Part “Y”, (inner critic or coach) fires off beliefs to try to protect you from what it perceives as pain or danger. The challenge is your Part “Y” is working from a very old piece of software designed when access to food and water was scarce and the threat of being killed by a wild animal or another tribe was very real, unlike asking someone to buy your product, presenting an idea, or having a difficult, which contrary to belief is not a life or death situation.

Gremlin Edit

So, what can we do to change these? We can do a “Gremlin Edit”

How often? Daily as part of your morning routine.

How long will it take? 5-10mins.

A Gremlin edit had four steps:

Catch it!

Challenge it!

Change it!

Confirm it!

Begin by reflecting on your day and thinking of any times when you were triggered with unwanted feelings, or maybe there is a situation coming up which is filling you with some nasty vibes. Write down this situation and how you feel about it.

Catch it! Draw four columns on a piece of paper. In the first column, you are going to catch the Gremlins that are feeding these feelings. Ask yourself, “why am I feeling like this”, followed by “why?”. List all the beliefs and sayings that come to mind.

Challenge it! Next, go through each Gremlin, and ask yourself, “is this belief helpful” or “is this belief 100% true”. Put a “no” next to each unhelpful or untruthful belief

Change it! Now it’s time to edit and change each Gremlin for something more empowering, something more helpful. To do this ask yourself, “what would be a more helpful belief to believe”, or “what advice would I give a close friend if they asked for advice about these Gremlins”. You can also look for quotes or song lyrics that numb each Gremlin. You’ll know when it’s right when you feel a sense of relief by just saying it. These are your Life Savers.

Write down and repeat these Life Savers daily, think of the rock carving, eventually, it will fade if we don’t look after it, but creating a new rock carving will take time and effort.

Confirm it! Finally in the last column, when you have a list of Life Savers, remember the best ones are the ones that light you up inside when you read them, it's time to reinforce and rewire them. What evidence do you have to know these Life Savers are true? Dig deep here, think of anything that comes to mind, and look around for examples in the media or people you know. Take actions that will help prove your belief is correct.

Act Now!

We have spent a lifetime inheriting beliefs and reinforcing them unconsciously, not realising the power they have over us. We can all think of examples when we believed in something we felt was so true, only to find it wasn’t so. If we can begin to understand our beliefs and what behaviours they are triggering and make them work for us we can begin to achieve great things, things we only dreamt of before.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't you are right."

Henry Ford

Until next time.

Dream big! Act now!