Does Living Purposefully Really Matter?

It’s an email that hits hard. It’s clear by her tone that she is tired, worn down and has lost the will to keep fighting. She is articulate and sounds just like any other young lady I might bump into where I live. She explains she has a good job, loving parents and two sisters. She has also battled with an eating disorder all her life and fought hard. She is now 22 and can no longer go on. She doesn’t want to talk to her family or burden them anymore - imagine feeling like living is more of a burden to your parents than not being here. She is going to take the pills, don’t try and change her mind, she just doesn’t want to be alone. She will miss her parents, her sisters and something that really hits me. She’ll miss seeing the sunrise tomorrow.

I listen and try to feel what she is feeling, trying to think how best to respond and connect. I want to provide a space for her to make her feel heard and understood. I want to give her something to grasp onto, a reason to keep going. Not something 5 or 3 years down the line, she can’t see that far anymore, but something today, something in the next hour, something now. You see, there is a common thread when someone gets to this point, they feel they have no future, no reason to keep going, no purpose. It’s not the only reason they are here, but it does play a part.

It’s a pretty extreme example, I know, but an important one nonetheless. As so much has been written around “finding your why”, it’s easy to think it is just reserved for the few who are looking for the latest “live your dream life hack”. Having a purpose can help us in our darkest moments to those moments when we feel it hard to keep going. The moments when we feel lost, depressed or helpless. Sometimes, the answer to our own purpose may well be within those moments.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”.

Frederick Nietzsche.

Feeling connected and contributing to something bigger than us can give us a reason to keep going. It brings meaning to each moment, it creates an internal drive, it brings fulfilment and excitement, heartache and pain, it provides a destination to keep heading for. When it focuses on helping others, then it can bring an even deeper sense of peace and fulfilment.

There is no fixed formula to landing on your purpose that I’m aware of, and it’s not about getting bogged down, worrying if it’s right first time. Essentially you are trying to label a burning desire that lights you up inside, a desire that has no words. But, like most things, labelling can help us to understand it and access it more freely. The words we associate with it are important, we need to feel them when we speak them out loud. They need to give us that same lit-up feeling and drive. We need to feel connected to them.

There are many ways to begin shaping your purpose, I’m sure, but there is one consistent theme, and that is asking some deep, meaningful and insightful questions. Questions that get to the core of you. Then when you have all these responses, look for the common themes and words that really matter and begin to craft a statement. Something like:

My purpose is ……. So that (how it will help others)

“My purpose is to help people suffer less, so that they can be their best”

You may even find a purpose that resonates with you from someone else who has already crafted theirs, which can be a great place to start. Whatever your preferred method, the important thing is to make a start, get something down that you can reflect on and tweak as you go. Something that provides you comfort, something that inspires you to take action.

Act Now!

To help you, here are some questions for you to reflect on. Spend at least 5 mins on each one as it may take a few minutes to get going and connected. Don’t self-edit just write what comes to mind.

1. Who inspires me most in life and why?

2. When am I most happy, and what am I doing?

3. Who am I meant to be? What would that person be doing?

4. How do I want to be remembered?

5. Which songs or sayings or movies really stick with me and why?

6. What advice would I give to a loved one about how to live life?

If you have any great questions or methods to help others find their purpose, please add them to the comments below 🙏🏻. As for the young lady who wrote the email, sometimes you don’t hear what happens next, but on this occasion, she did respond. She did get through the night, the battle is still there, but she found something worth clinging onto, something worth fighting for. She did see the sunrise again.

Until next time.

Dream big! Act now!